There are quite a few ways to ensure that you have a terrible missions experience. I have taken the liberty to list below what I consider to be the top twelve steps to make absolutely sure you negate your influence on the mission field!
Now, you are going to have to be proactive about it. I have found that sending organizations and national Pastors will often do whatever they can to make sure your experience is a good one, even putting up with people they should ship home. But don’t let that disturb you, with the proper (or should I say improper) attitudes and unrealistic expectations you can have the worse missions experience ever!
1. To tighten up your schedule and get the most done, eliminate personal prayer and Bible study. You will be so rushed on your trip that that you won't have time for all that stuff any way. Besides, can't you get all the spiritual food you need from the church services you will be attending?
2. Focus only on "spiritual" activities. We all want to win people to Christ, but you are better at that than most others. You should focus on only the loftiest most spiritual things and avoid menial work like data entry, loading trucks, working on buildings or even communicating with other team members. Let someone less spiritual than you handle that stuff.
3. Stay organized and on schedule no matter what. Set detailed goals before you go, establish your schedule and refuse to deviate from it. Do not accept delays, last-minute changes, and impromptu visits and invitations. Those things will just keep you from getting things done for God. Remember, you are not there for the people, but you are there for God.
4. Help the full time missionaries and short-term team leaders by pointing out all their mistakes. Bring them up to date on what you've heard are the latest trends in missions. Because some missionaries can be stubborn, you may need to enlist some support among the national Christians for your view points. Don’t worry if this causes some of them trouble after you leave the country.
5. Get involved romantically with someone. Being away from family and friends makes this the perfect time to get involved romantically. While it may distract you slightly from the work, you will be able to expose national Christians to America's progressive dating customs.
6. Don't embarrass yourself by trying to pick up the local language. People are always saying that English is spoken all over the world. So, insist that those people use it with you. You are not there to mix culturally with people anyway
7. Immediately begin pointing out your team members' faults and make sure the leader addresses them. Time is short. It will be difficult for people to make the needed changes if you don't help them start early. After all, you only have a short time to correct your co-laborers spiritual flaws. If the team leader seems reluctant to bring their faults up in team meeting, you may have to do it yourself.
8. Protect yourself against dangerous germs by refusing to eat any of the local food. Make sure that you announce this to all the nationals so they will be sure to get the message that the only safe food is American food. You may miss some friendly opportunities to break down barriers, but barriers keep those awful germs at bay!
9. Make sure that everyone you meet is 100% on board with your doctrinal views. Spreading the love of Christ is not enough. You are there to spread all your doctrinal view, revelations, and prophetic impressions. People who don’t agree with your views should be publicly humiliated and ostracized if necessary.
10. Keep your distance from team members who couldn't raise their full support. They may try to mooch off you. Remember stinginess is next to Godliness. Besides sweating over finances and sacrificing during the whole trip will build their faith!
11. It is important to complain about everything. Just because you are on a mission trip doesn’t mean you should have to put up with anything less than American standards. Never pass up on the opportunity to complain even if you have to do it in secret. Find someone else who complains and you guys can complain together!
12. When you return home, scold your home church and friends for their lack of commitment, for their weak prayers, and for their inadequate giving to missions. This may be one of the few times you will have done something that they haven’t done. Make the most of it.
I have found from my experience on the field and leading teams that If you'll do all of these things (or even some of them), you will have a bad mission experience.
